on amazon, lesbian erotica, art openings & "gay" cowboys

so it's been a minute since i posted and therefore this will appear a bit disjointed. perhaps if i make a list, a sort of an agenda for this posting, you will be less confused.

things to be discussed in this post:

1. my run in with amazon.com last thursday morning
2. my run in with new york kim's lesbian erotica reading
3. my run in with some seriously famous people at dusty's art show
4. my run in with some homo cowboys on the silver screen with supper club gals last night

so we begin, please open your textbook to www.amazon.com

the other morning i was checking my email as i do every morning and i see on my emory account i have an email from amazon about a recently placed order. funny thing is, i have not purchased anything on amazon for weeks. so i open it and find out that in fact amazon is telling me i have purchased a medical textbook for my friend in VIETNAM (!) and my amex has been charged, oh only $268. i was all "WHAT?????" so, in good dj fashion, i began to panic and started to frantically search for a phone number for amazon. not so easy to find, by the way. even JES couldn't find it (i called to interrupt her finals studying at school). finally i found it and called. dude on the other line was less than helpful, but i figured out how to cancel the order before it actually got shipped. i wanted dude to assure me this would not happen again. he told me to email some address. i did and it got bounced back. so i called again. talked to a lady this time. she was a bit more helpful than dude number one. she said she erased all my credit card numbers off of amazon. all i had on there was my amex and my work pcard. she also let me know that there were maybe six different emails on my account, only three of which i recognized and/or authorized. we deleted all those too.

so i went back to make sure all was well and lo and behold, there was another email about another purchase from amazon. you can imagine by now that i was ready to throttle someone. this time someone purchased a $300 gift certificate and had it sent to their aol email address. again charged to my amex. so i called for a third time, talked to an angel named amanda who took care of all of it, changed my pass word and sent my shit to the gift cert. department who cleared it all up. i will buy nothing from amazon for the rest of my life if i can help it.

then thursday night we had not ONE but TWO events to go to. now to set the stage a little. it is freezing cold sleet/ice/raining when we leave AND there is a good chance the MTA (train and bus system) will strike at midnight which means if we are not home, we are FUCKED basically. and to top all that off, jes has a final the next morning and she is not completely prepared for it when we leave the house at 7pm on thursday night. she studies her outline while i start to doze off as we speed into manhattan on the F train. we first go to a reading at the KGB lounge in the city. it is for the newest anthology of lesbian erotica. new york kim has a piece in it, so we are going to support her, but she makes it very clear she is not reading at the event. though her piece does not reflect it EVEN ONE BIT, she is hella shy and the idea of reading it in front of a room full of folks is not fun for her. we get there, late, to hear the end of a lady's story. it had to do with power and making your partner eat dog food so she can fully enjoy the vibrating bee strapped to her parts. neither jes nor i found any of it sexy really but we both immediately thought of "best in show" with parker posey's character losing her shit b/c she can't find the "buzzy bee" doll for her dog. after dog food lady there was a break so we chatted a bit with glennda, ali, monique and kim and then we headed out to the deitch gallery for dusty's art show. oh, but before we get to the gallery, let me say that i was excited to see eileen myles, the writer at the erotica show. apparently she co-edited the anthology they were reading from. i told the supper club who she was and i hope to turn them on (no pun intended) to her work. let's call that star sighting #1. here is a pic of her for those of you who are wondering who she is. i think she is hot, but its as much about her brain as it is about her looks:



we arrived at the deitch gallery (78 Grand near the corner of Wooster) and it is packed. the show is in honor of JD's (of Le Tigre) second lesbian calendar. I think the show was called "JD's Lesbian Utopia." The show exhibits both the main calendar photos taken by Cass Bird (they are lovely) as well as my friend Dusty Lombardo's photos, some of which appear in the calendar as well. If you are in New York over the next few weeks, go and check out the exhibit. Dusty has a whole wall in the larger room (the first wall on the right) and if you like any of the photos (and you will like many of the photos) contact her directly through her website: www.dustylombardo.com

i mean really, check out the website anyway b/c her shit is tight and when her photos are hanging in the MOMA, you can say "oh yeah i've been liking dusty lombardo's stuff for a long time." won't you be really cool then? anywho, the place is packed full of all kinds of folks and jes and i have about twelve layers on each so we are looking for our peeps and a place to stash our coats. finally we find dusty and mary and chat with them. they both looked so beatiful and i am kicking myself for not brining my camera. mary had on this cute brownish dress and boots and her hair up in sort of a bun thing. and dusty had on maybe trousers or jeans with a shirt and tie and cutey blazer. her tie had this little heart stitched on it- i guess mary made it for her. adorable. we got there so late that it started to thin out shortly after we arrived. the only stars i spotted were bitch (from bitch and animal) and then eileen myles made her way over to this joint too. so we decide that it is getting late and that its in jes's best interest (and mine too b/c i was tired and crampy) to skip the afterparty. we are about to leave and i look at jes and she is gesturing (with her eyes) at this tall dude checking out dusty's photos. i followed her gaze and realized that it was none other than josh harnett.



he was in sin city and that movie with harrison ford and a bunch of other films. let me say first, that he is one handsome man. tall, a bit greasy and in jeans and a wool ski cap. let me also say that earlier in the week there was a RUMOR that scarlett johansson was coming to the opening. apparently she likes the lesbo photographers. then we heard she couldn't make it b/c she had to fly somewhere. fine, get our hopes up and then crush us like bugs. we can take it. now after i got over the shock that jes recognized someone famous BEFORE me, i began to realize that josh has been reported to be scar jo's (that's what we will call her for short) sweetie. i thought "that's cool that he showed up even though she couldn't make it." he kept looking at dusty's photos (b/c they are amazing) and jes and i joked to ourselves about for him they would be more expensive. it was getting late, so we headed for the door. as we are walking out i pass this hot blonde femmey girl and i look twice and you know who it was? oh yeah, it was scarlett johansson (aka scar jo). i tried to communicate this to jes, but no luck. when we got outside i told her and she was all "i didn't see her, i need to see her." i told her to go back in and look while i texted dusty to say that scar jo was in the house. jes came back and was like "donna you need to take me back in there and show me" (amateur) and so i did. i pretended like i had to talk to mary about something (i did, i had to tell her about scar jo). she had figured it out by then as well. jes got a nice long look at scar jo and then we headed out. for those of you who lives in caves, here are some photos of scar jo.

first a divine black and white:



what's your favorite city? oh, cleveland:



isn't she pretty?

anywho, here is what is hilarious about the whole thing:

1. while dusty was receiving the text i sent her about scar jo, she was being introduced to scar jo
2. scar jo was flirting hardcore with the lesbo photographers, okayyyy?
3. scar jo has her septum pierced and had her retainer in and visible (she is so hard core)
4. scar jo has replaced parker posey and jes's #1. hard to believe, but true.
5. scar jo is just 21. oy, i am old.
6. i called atlanta kim and sarah to tell them and the first thing atl kim said was "how are you not watching the OC chrismakkuh episode right now" and then she asked me who we saw.

so yeah, i think that is the biggest star sighting yet yall. tell me what you think.

now lets move from the bright lights of the big city to the rolling hills and plains of wyoming and brokeback mountain.

jes and i went to dinner last night with the supper club ladies and then jes came home to study (good lawyer) and the five of us headed to see brokeback mountain. have yall seen it yet? i am not completely ready to comment on it, but i can say that heath ledger and jake gyllenhal having sex and in love, in general, is hot. their first time doing it was not so hot to me, but overall, them together-hot. i am sure this is about their hot toned bodies and all, but i bet too it is about the fact that *i think* i know that they are both straight guys so its totally taboo that they had to make out and simulate sex with each other. is that weird?

all i am thinking right now is "i hope nancy/ali's mom isn't reading this." i mean if she doesn't like the swearing, i am going to guess she will not appreciate me talking about two straight dudes fucking. what do you think?